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F A Q

You have questions. Supposedly, they're frequent.
We have answers. Most certainly, they're snide.

Q: Is Hopper-Inc incorporated?
A: No. Inc is short for inconsiderate.

Q: Are you a robot?
A: If “you” implies me, then “insufficient information at this time”, else “your call is being answered in the order it was received.”

Q: Am I going in the right direction?
A: Since you’re at Hopper-Inc, no.

Q: Is this going to be on the test?
A: Yes, but we only grade people based on height.

Q: Why am I here?
A: You’re lost and need better travel advice. Probably due to that right turn you took at Albuquerque. We recommend www.hopper.com next time.

Q: Can I get the dressing on the side?
A: Yes. Proper procedure for side splitting calls for direct pressure first and then dressing on the side.

Q: Can I get that toasted?
A: We have several clarifying questions. Do you want it while you’re toasted or do you want the item itself to be pre-inebriated at the time of purchase?

Q: Am I getting screwed?
A: Knowing you, you deserved it.

Q: Are we there yet?
A: No. You can't get there from here.

Q: If a train leaves New York at 1 pm traveling 60 mph and a second train leaves…
A: Let me stop you right there and say that you need to get a life. Maybe take a long train trip; anywhere away from us.


All other questions are to be directed to Mort Sahl. Good luck with that.

Hours

Always working

Telephone

Who phones?

Email

[email protected]
  • Home
  • Jazz
  • 5 o’clock
  • Biscotti & Coffee
  • Educational
  • In the Hopper
  • Bad Ideas
  • Blog it Out
  • Contact
  • FAQ
  • About