Bad IDEAS
Ideas are always flowing here at Hopper-Inc, so many that they have to be picked up with a hopper and sorted out. That’s where we got the idea for the name of the organization. Of course you have probably already figured that out.
Now with that many ideas there are bound to be a few bad ones….
well more than a few…a multitude maybe. No, plethora. No, wait, how about deluge? (see bad idea #2).
In the interest of you being able to compare-shop we are presenting the bad ones for review.
Now with that many ideas there are bound to be a few bad ones….
well more than a few…a multitude maybe. No, plethora. No, wait, how about deluge? (see bad idea #2).
In the interest of you being able to compare-shop we are presenting the bad ones for review.
1. Having a selection of your bad ideas displayed on your website.
Sure, it can be pretty funny, but at what cost? Do we really want everybody to know about the stupidity inherent in the system?
The final results are not in yet, but we at Hopper-Inc are preemptively classifying this as a bad idea.
The final results are not in yet, but we at Hopper-Inc are preemptively classifying this as a bad idea.
2. Pouring a glass of water on your laptop.
You are pretty sure there are a lot of good reasons for pouring a glass of water on your laptop:
The laptop is dirty.
The laptop is overheated.
The need to see if it’s waterproof.
The laptop must be thirsty (you never see it drink).
An irrational need to share.
Checking to see if the laptop is level.
New laptop/coaster concept (currently in the testing phase).
We at Hopper-Inc have officially determined that pouring a glass of water on your laptop, no matter the reason, is simply a bad idea.
The laptop is dirty.
The laptop is overheated.
The need to see if it’s waterproof.
The laptop must be thirsty (you never see it drink).
An irrational need to share.
Checking to see if the laptop is level.
New laptop/coaster concept (currently in the testing phase).
We at Hopper-Inc have officially determined that pouring a glass of water on your laptop, no matter the reason, is simply a bad idea.
3. Distracting the Ophthalmologist.
Having discussions with the ophthalmologist involving analyses of his work as compared to Miles Davis' work with modal jazz is a fine thing. It can be an interesting and enlightening conversation. While you both may truly enjoy the conversation, it would probably be best had AFTER the ocular surgery. Having this discussion while you are under waking-sedation and the doctor is preforming delicate operations with numerous sharp instruments could be quite distracting....which is good for you, but not the best idea for the doctor.
We at Hopper-Inc can't actually read the results, but are pretty sure it has been determined to be a bad idea.
We at Hopper-Inc can't actually read the results, but are pretty sure it has been determined to be a bad idea.
4. The Siberian Coaster.
A fur-lined coaster....Seriously, do we have to say more? Bad idea...
5. The Play-A-Chord all you can eat salad bar combo.
It made perfect sense at the time. The game pieces for Play-A-Chord did resemble salad croutons, people do like to snack while playing a wonderfully fun music-educational game, and salads are a great, healthy snack. Of course we forgot that some people can tend to get a bit over-exuberant in all-you-can-eat situations and the pieces did resemble croutons...and well...causing a possible choking hazard and constantly losing game pieces to ingestion does not make good business-sense, so bad idea.
6. Hostility Cards
It seemed like a good idea at the time - greeting-type cards that displayed the contempt you actually had had for someone...
You didn't think they deserved the promotion? Send them a nice card that says something like:
"Congratulations on your promotion. You have hidden your incompetence admirably."
Unfortunately (or luckily) as these were created by the writing team at Hopper-Inc, it became apparent it was a bad idea. Humor was getting lost in the mean-spiritedness and everyone was getting depressed. You can't successfully run a company with sad, depressed employees (unless it's government work), so bad idea
You didn't think they deserved the promotion? Send them a nice card that says something like:
"Congratulations on your promotion. You have hidden your incompetence admirably."
Unfortunately (or luckily) as these were created by the writing team at Hopper-Inc, it became apparent it was a bad idea. Humor was getting lost in the mean-spiritedness and everyone was getting depressed. You can't successfully run a company with sad, depressed employees (unless it's government work), so bad idea
7. Classic novel audio cards.
Do you know how many audio-cards it would take to get through Moby Dick or A Tale of two Cities? We do...bad, bad idea...
8. The t-shirt lauding drinking that might entice kids.
You want to make a t-shirt that goes along with your awesome Hopper-Inc drinking products like the 5 o’clock coaster and the 5 o'clock bourbon glass. You spend quite a bit of time putting together a design and get a mock-up of what the t-shirt will look like. You’re happy and put that product aside for a few days. When you get back to it and give the t-shirt a look with fresh eyes you realize that all the interesting fonts and bright, exciting colors look like they’re geared to attract the attention of kids. And let’s not leave out the fact that the largest word on the shirt, “Cheers,” thanks to its color and font, looks distinctly like the coke-cola logo…or is it the Cheerios logo...
We might as well have sold the shirt with bubblegum flavored vaping juice…oh, and all the different colors would have driven the price up to that of a small car...bad idea!
On the other hand after we trashed that concept the incredibly cool 5 o’clock cheers t-shirt was created.
We might as well have sold the shirt with bubblegum flavored vaping juice…oh, and all the different colors would have driven the price up to that of a small car...bad idea!
On the other hand after we trashed that concept the incredibly cool 5 o’clock cheers t-shirt was created.
9. Making your point with your mug.
You’re in your meeting, you’re making your points and trying your best to impress the importance of all the agenda items upon your subordinates/colleagues. You are of course drinking coffee using your awesome Hopper-Inc coffee mug. The larger size feels great in your hand and more importantly holds enough coffee to get you through any meeting. To bring an emphatic end to your discussion and to make sure the importance of your points is understood by all involved you raise your Hopper-Inc coffee mug and bring it down on the conference table with a fair amount of force… Ok, you slam it down on the table. The large 15oz sized mug does make quite a noise when slammed down.
Of course it also breaks because that’s not how coffee mugs are meant to be used…. At least you’ve gotten your point across and you’ve struck fear into the hearts of your subordinates… Wait...no, they’re all laughing...apparently you’re generally not the type who strikes fear into hearts…
So you’ve embarrassed yourself… And you got coffee all over your favorite Hopper-Inc. T-shirt… Coffee you didn’t get to drink... And you broke your favorite mug…
Bad idea.
Of course it also breaks because that’s not how coffee mugs are meant to be used…. At least you’ve gotten your point across and you’ve struck fear into the hearts of your subordinates… Wait...no, they’re all laughing...apparently you’re generally not the type who strikes fear into hearts…
So you’ve embarrassed yourself… And you got coffee all over your favorite Hopper-Inc. T-shirt… Coffee you didn’t get to drink... And you broke your favorite mug…
Bad idea.
10. Adding tap-shoe taps to the 5 o’clock coaster gift package.
The 5 o’clock coaster and bourbon glass are both terrific ideas turned into great products from Hopper-Inc. It seemed smart to, perhaps, package them together and market it as a wonderful gift idea. As we were considering the best product packaging ideas, the Hopper-Inc Creative-crew arrived with a suggestion -- package the glass and coaster with tap shoe-taps. They were very excited about this idea, we had to admit to them that we were a little confused by it. Generally that is ok because some of us at Hopper-Inc. believe that you should have to put in some effort to get the funny in the humor, but this seemed a touch extreme. Then they reminded us of this Kids In The Hall sketch from years back.
Damn that was hilarious! Absolutely, let’s put taps in the package! What a great idea! We even thought about sending one to Kevin McDonald, the Kids In The Hall member who authored the sketch. Then we read Kevin McDonald’s Wikipedia page. After reading about his life with an abusive, alcoholic father we realized that the taps were a bad idea.
Damn that was hilarious! Absolutely, let’s put taps in the package! What a great idea! We even thought about sending one to Kevin McDonald, the Kids In The Hall member who authored the sketch. Then we read Kevin McDonald’s Wikipedia page. After reading about his life with an abusive, alcoholic father we realized that the taps were a bad idea.
11. The late-train-Mussolini shirt.
The idea made us laugh initially. Someone waiting for a train that’s obviously late. Their frustration grows and this thought pops into their head: “Where’s Mussolini when you need him?”
It was funny, we admit that we laughed and thought what a great t-shirt it would make! Unfortunately we also quickly realized how many people would probably be offended, traumatized, angered, etc. because, of course, Mussolini was a ruthless, horrible, fascist dictator. So, yeah, bad idea. And he was also a liar, in case you don’t know, he did NOT improve the Italian railroad system… |
12. The original Gro-sto poncho ad concept.
The GRO-STO Poncho needed a flashy ad idea to help sell the concept to potential grocery store buyers. The ad came to us quickly; it's a grocery store so let's have the ad mirror a spaghetti-western. We don't know about you, but to us when we think of grocery stores the first thing that comes to mind is, well, beer...and probably wine after that...then maybe snacks that will go well with the bourbon...but soon after that we think of spaghetti! So spaghetti-western was the obvious concept. We took some time, brain-stormed and came up with what we thought was an ingenious and hysterical ad concept. You can read the ad on the GRO-STO Poncho page. The ad wraps up with the following:
***Eastwood hands the customer the poncho.
As the grateful customer puts it on Eastwood hears another customer say, “I think it feels nice in here.”
Eastwood turns and quick as a flash guns him down.
With a price gun.
Eastwood, standing over the price-tag-covered customer who’s crumpled on the floor says, A man’s got to know his limitations. And it’s too freakin’ cold in here! Get me a GRO-STO PONCHO!!***
In the original concept Eastwood was going to be using a regular pistol, not a price gun, again, mirroring a spaghetti-western. In going over that version we realized that we had written about a grocery store shooting and just how distasteful that was. And again people would probably be offended, traumatized, angered, etc.
Definitely a bad idea...so we changed the shooting into a "price gun shooting."
That's funnier anyway.
***Eastwood hands the customer the poncho.
As the grateful customer puts it on Eastwood hears another customer say, “I think it feels nice in here.”
Eastwood turns and quick as a flash guns him down.
With a price gun.
Eastwood, standing over the price-tag-covered customer who’s crumpled on the floor says, A man’s got to know his limitations. And it’s too freakin’ cold in here! Get me a GRO-STO PONCHO!!***
In the original concept Eastwood was going to be using a regular pistol, not a price gun, again, mirroring a spaghetti-western. In going over that version we realized that we had written about a grocery store shooting and just how distasteful that was. And again people would probably be offended, traumatized, angered, etc.
Definitely a bad idea...so we changed the shooting into a "price gun shooting."
That's funnier anyway.
*This is an on-going list as we remember old bad ideas and create new bad ideas...there's never going to be a shortage of the bad ideas...*
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