5 O'CLOCK TALES:
Magadan, russia
** A lot of characters in the following stories are real and their names have not been changed so that they may continually endure any embarrassment.
The stories themselves, of course, are somewhat…well mostly fictionalized. **
The stories themselves, of course, are somewhat…well mostly fictionalized. **
The 5 O’Clock Shadow (Magadan)
CHARACTERS:
ED, 50 something
PETE, older than ED but thinks he could take ‘em in a fight … as long as a sucker punch is allowed.
OLD MAN, older than PETE and soon to experience real regret.
TIME
Late, about 1am, but don’t ask Ed or Pete.
PLACE
Dürty Nelly’s Pub - Several people are in line waiting for a sandwich. It smells like old beer, or maybe that’s just Ed.
Scene I-1: Waiting for a Hot Sicilian.
There is a noticeable uneasiness about PETE because he wants a hot Sicilian (just to clarify … it’s a sandwich) and is starting to gnaw on the edge of his wallet … again. ED is replying to an elderly gentleman who asked what time it was, but instead of the time, the old man is getting a lengthy story about ED’s travels with PETE to a faraway locale just to make a buck so that they could pay for more sandwiches.
OLD MAN: Hey fella. What time is it?
ED (Looking down at his broken wrist watch. A gift from Pete. It was cheap and permanently set to 5:00): 5 O’clock.
PETE: Word.
OLD MAN: What? In the morning? Can’t be.
ED (Digging through his pockets and pulling out a coaster): Well, it’s 5 o’clock in Magadan.
OLD MAN: Maggot what? Young man, what are you talking about?
PETE: Oh lord. Here he goes.
ED: Magadan. Magadan, Russia. See here. (pointing to the coaster) If it’s 1 am here, then it’s 5 o’clock in Magadan.
PETE: Vashe Zdorovie!
OLD MAN (Giving Pete an odd look. Pete is still gnawing on his wallet.): So it’s 1 am?
ED: No. It’s 5 o’clock. Which reminds me of the time Pete and I went to Magadan. Did I mention that?
OLD MAN (concerned look on face due to the impending story to come and being stuck in the queue)
Scene I-2: Squiggly lines - cut to the past.
Wayne Campbell and Garth Algar are doing their squiggly line flashback thing, or at least, that’s what’s going through PETE’s head as ED launches into his Magadan story, again, and the old man now has one foot firmly planted in the grave due to his imminent death from boredom.
ED: In the early days of Hopper-Inc we needed to take non-hopper jobs to try and build our capital. You know, it takes money to make money. We had heard that Magadan, Russia needed icebreakers and we jumped at that opportunity. I mean, we’d always been great conversationalists and never had any trouble bringing people out of their shells.
OLD MAN: That reminds me. Where did I put my shell?
PETE: Sometimes, when I’m shaving, I’ll leave it up on the sink.
OLD MAN: What the hell are you talking about?
ED [interrupting the old man.]: We made the long journey to Russia, but were …
PETE [interrupting ED, singing like Ethel Merman]: So, you made a long journey from Milan to Minsk.
OLD MAN: [eye rolls] Waiter! Check!
ED: No, it was Russia … but we were disappointed to find out that in this case the needed icebreakers were large ships that broke ice to keep ports open and NOT conversationalists trying to get the crowd to warm-up with each other.
PETE: Even though it's very cold there; physically and conversationally.
ED: We were at the local pub discussing our options…Pete said we could still do the job. Just then I noticed an odd looking fellow who seemed to be watching us. I looked at him, he gave a half-nod and a slight smile. The next day we were in a different pub where, by the way, we came up with the idea for the Siberian coaster (later discovered to be a bad idea). That odd looking fellow was there again. Seven more days, seven more times in pubs and seven more times seeing the odd looking man…we invited him to join our table for a drink, but he declined without speaking. Who was this guy? KGB? A black marketeer who wanted our jeans?
PETE: I thought he wanted our genes. I’ve heard stories.
OLD MAN: I wish I wasn’t.
ED: Or maybe he was a jealous coaster manufacturer trying to steal our ideas?
ED and PETE: Hmmm
OLD MAN: I just came in here for a sandwich.
ED: Some days later we were at the port about to get a ship out of Magadan when the strange man appeared, looked at Pete and said, “YA dumayu, chto vashi chasy slomany.” Pete immediately took a boxing pose and said, “Oh yeah, and the horse you rode in on, buddy!”
PETE: I could have taken him … with a sucker punch.
OLD MAN: I believe you’re the sucker in this scenario.
ED: Loosely translated, the stranger was saying “Your watch is broken.” Turns out he was a watchmaker. We laughed and explained the broken watch and 5 o’clock theory that Pete and I subscribed to which, honestly, didn't make a lot of sense to a Russian. He pulled out a flask of vodka, we all sat, had a few drinks and many laughs before departing Magadan.
Scene I-3: and scene.
(cue Wayne and Garth)
OLD MAN: It must be 5 O’clock by now.
PETE: Wait! I’ll check my coaster.
ED: Bingo!
PETE: No. It’s a coaster!
ED and PETE: Vashe Zdorovie!
ED, 50 something
PETE, older than ED but thinks he could take ‘em in a fight … as long as a sucker punch is allowed.
OLD MAN, older than PETE and soon to experience real regret.
TIME
Late, about 1am, but don’t ask Ed or Pete.
PLACE
Dürty Nelly’s Pub - Several people are in line waiting for a sandwich. It smells like old beer, or maybe that’s just Ed.
Scene I-1: Waiting for a Hot Sicilian.
There is a noticeable uneasiness about PETE because he wants a hot Sicilian (just to clarify … it’s a sandwich) and is starting to gnaw on the edge of his wallet … again. ED is replying to an elderly gentleman who asked what time it was, but instead of the time, the old man is getting a lengthy story about ED’s travels with PETE to a faraway locale just to make a buck so that they could pay for more sandwiches.
OLD MAN: Hey fella. What time is it?
ED (Looking down at his broken wrist watch. A gift from Pete. It was cheap and permanently set to 5:00): 5 O’clock.
PETE: Word.
OLD MAN: What? In the morning? Can’t be.
ED (Digging through his pockets and pulling out a coaster): Well, it’s 5 o’clock in Magadan.
OLD MAN: Maggot what? Young man, what are you talking about?
PETE: Oh lord. Here he goes.
ED: Magadan. Magadan, Russia. See here. (pointing to the coaster) If it’s 1 am here, then it’s 5 o’clock in Magadan.
PETE: Vashe Zdorovie!
OLD MAN (Giving Pete an odd look. Pete is still gnawing on his wallet.): So it’s 1 am?
ED: No. It’s 5 o’clock. Which reminds me of the time Pete and I went to Magadan. Did I mention that?
OLD MAN (concerned look on face due to the impending story to come and being stuck in the queue)
Scene I-2: Squiggly lines - cut to the past.
Wayne Campbell and Garth Algar are doing their squiggly line flashback thing, or at least, that’s what’s going through PETE’s head as ED launches into his Magadan story, again, and the old man now has one foot firmly planted in the grave due to his imminent death from boredom.
ED: In the early days of Hopper-Inc we needed to take non-hopper jobs to try and build our capital. You know, it takes money to make money. We had heard that Magadan, Russia needed icebreakers and we jumped at that opportunity. I mean, we’d always been great conversationalists and never had any trouble bringing people out of their shells.
OLD MAN: That reminds me. Where did I put my shell?
PETE: Sometimes, when I’m shaving, I’ll leave it up on the sink.
OLD MAN: What the hell are you talking about?
ED [interrupting the old man.]: We made the long journey to Russia, but were …
PETE [interrupting ED, singing like Ethel Merman]: So, you made a long journey from Milan to Minsk.
OLD MAN: [eye rolls] Waiter! Check!
ED: No, it was Russia … but we were disappointed to find out that in this case the needed icebreakers were large ships that broke ice to keep ports open and NOT conversationalists trying to get the crowd to warm-up with each other.
PETE: Even though it's very cold there; physically and conversationally.
ED: We were at the local pub discussing our options…Pete said we could still do the job. Just then I noticed an odd looking fellow who seemed to be watching us. I looked at him, he gave a half-nod and a slight smile. The next day we were in a different pub where, by the way, we came up with the idea for the Siberian coaster (later discovered to be a bad idea). That odd looking fellow was there again. Seven more days, seven more times in pubs and seven more times seeing the odd looking man…we invited him to join our table for a drink, but he declined without speaking. Who was this guy? KGB? A black marketeer who wanted our jeans?
PETE: I thought he wanted our genes. I’ve heard stories.
OLD MAN: I wish I wasn’t.
ED: Or maybe he was a jealous coaster manufacturer trying to steal our ideas?
ED and PETE: Hmmm
OLD MAN: I just came in here for a sandwich.
ED: Some days later we were at the port about to get a ship out of Magadan when the strange man appeared, looked at Pete and said, “YA dumayu, chto vashi chasy slomany.” Pete immediately took a boxing pose and said, “Oh yeah, and the horse you rode in on, buddy!”
PETE: I could have taken him … with a sucker punch.
OLD MAN: I believe you’re the sucker in this scenario.
ED: Loosely translated, the stranger was saying “Your watch is broken.” Turns out he was a watchmaker. We laughed and explained the broken watch and 5 o’clock theory that Pete and I subscribed to which, honestly, didn't make a lot of sense to a Russian. He pulled out a flask of vodka, we all sat, had a few drinks and many laughs before departing Magadan.
Scene I-3: and scene.
(cue Wayne and Garth)
OLD MAN: It must be 5 O’clock by now.
PETE: Wait! I’ll check my coaster.
ED: Bingo!
PETE: No. It’s a coaster!
ED and PETE: Vashe Zdorovie!
HoursAlways working
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TelephoneWho phones?
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